The Elegant Atheist: Keeping away the Jehova’s Witnesses and the Mormons
I finally decided to get a sign having been woken up today by the doorbell and the consequent dog barking. I ran downstairs flustered, stopped at the inter-phone to say I’ll be right there, all the while thinking it was a delivery. When I get to the gate a small woman asks me if I READ THE BIBLE. She waves her bible at me while she’s doing this. I felt like taking away her bible and beating her with it. The worse thing is she’s been here before and we’ve already sent her away. Once the sign is up if this ever happens again I’ll feel entitled to be very rude. I just don’t grasp this idea that people think they can bother other people this way. It’s infuriating.
My Mazamet 
Where I live, I see regular similar signs (but in Dutch) on doors.
LikeLiked by 2 people
There should be one with a water hose attached which we can activate from inside in case they ring the bell!
LikeLiked by 8 people
I put a sign on my door that reads, “HEY! You who are about to ring my bell–FUCK OFF!”
I find this at least lets the person who’s decided to ring my bell anyway know the type of raging maniac to expect when they answer.
LikeLiked by 9 people
As an old Presbyterian I’d recommend remaining an atheist over the nonsense the Mormons and J-Wits believe.
LikeLiked by 2 people
as a not so old former Presbyterian, the nonsense is pretty much equal on all sides of theism. 😉
LikeLiked by 4 people
Ah, but their god has told them to “spread the word” and even if they ignore most of the nonsense they are told, there are enough of these evangelicals to irritate the rest of us.
As a child I was torn between telling then to go away and being polite to strangers. I couldn’t invite them into the house as I was the only one home and so I would go out on the porch and listen to these elders spout their nonsense. I was wasting their time and my time but I was caught up with not knowing what to do.
We need to teach our children to say “Thank you, I do not need any nonsense today, good bye.” when they are so accosted.
LikeLiked by 3 people
It’s terrible – and of course they’re using our sense of politeness and guilt against us. Even after you tell them you’re not interested they keep trying to make conversation to find a way in.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Excuse me but do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ? :p
LikeLiked by 3 people
For the love of Mithra, NO!!!
LikeLiked by 3 people
I used to ignore the knocking on the door & hide until they’d gone – you could spot the JW’s a mile away as they’d gather on the corner of each street armed with notebooks and confer. Most JW’S now gather in small groups in shopping streets, with a little stand full of leaflets etc, & thankfully they rarely go house to house where we live. We still get plagued by double glazing/soffit & fascia sellers though, who ignore our sign saying “We do not purchase anything at the door”. On the rare occasion I answer when one of those knocks, I calmly point at notice and ask if they can read.
LikeLiked by 4 people
We can’t see anything going on on the street from the house except from the inter-phone… and I still haven’t figured out how the camera works or why it sometimes turns on automatically and other times doesn’t.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Go to the door with gay porn playing on your device with a hand in your pants. Then shake their hand.
LikeLiked by 7 people
My sign is a more elegant plan 😛
LikeLiked by 2 people
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
– Esme Cloud cracking up at Jim again
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re actually the only one they do this to. They know who needs to be saved the most. 🙂
LikeLiked by 6 people
Are you sending them? Are you their leader? I knew it! When you posted that picture with the long hair it just screamed Cult Leader!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pink, there is room for you on the spaceship. You don’t need that sign next to your door. You just need to read the signs that Jesus is trying to give you. Give up your world possession…to me…and come on over…we approve of wine. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Once a JW got me out of bed the early AM door ringing. What do they think I am, a dairy farmer? It wasn’t even noon and I hadn’t had my morning highball. Infuriating.
LikeLiked by 2 people
This was just before 9 am. I get up at 10ish
LikeLiked by 1 person
10! Do you have cows to milk?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had a woman actually try to push past me to get into my house. I told her I don’t pray, I’m Buddhist, which is true. It’s the first time I have seen a JW with no answer. She’s probably worked one out by now. At least she hasn’t been back.
LikeLiked by 3 people
The crazy thing was when I repeated to her I was *still* an atheist, she had the nerve to say that’s not what she was asking. That’s all you want early in the morning a mormon who thinks they’re witty…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Damn. I wish they’d ring my doorbell. “Come on in, let me tear your theories of the Universe to shreds.” I’m always on the lookout for someone to convert to atheism. Hmm, maybe I should knock on some doors myself…
LikeLiked by 4 people
If they’re knocking on people’s doors with pamphlets, it’s just a guess, but I think they might not be able to follow your insights 😛
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pink, please explain the first three words on your sign for me. As a fairly fluent speaker of la langue, je n’ai jamais vu ces mots.
If it makes you feel any better, I was awakened this morning by someone at 6:30, on the phone, trying to tell me that my MasterCard had been compromised during the night. I was running on 3 hrs. sleep after a flight home from Vancouver. I had to run downstairs to make sure I had my card safely in my wallet. The guy was clearly phishing, and when I called M/C they said everything was A-Ok.
I once had a similar conversation with the JWs when I answered the door at my ex-in-laws’ southern Ontario farm. They told me I would go to hell. In those days I was too young and polite to tell them to eff-off.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Demarchage (from demarche) referring to sales. Colporteur is how we say Cole Porter in France 😀 LOL. Well, that’s also true, but colportage is the distribution of religious material from door to door. And quête means (re)search, so in this case inquiries/questionnaires/surveys.
LikeLike
Colportage. Quel drol de mot! Maybe should be culportage, as in portes ton cul outta here!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m going to tell people that’s what it means. From the latin culportare 😀
LikeLike
‼️
LikeLike
How ‘bout “Mexe a cadeira”? We dance to a better version of this in zumba class (move your backside)
LikeLike
“Colporteur is how we say Cole Porter in France 😀 LOL” – HAHAHAHAHAHA
– Esme Cloud finding this whole post much funnier than expected
LikeLike
Can you kindly give us a translation. When in text I can copy and paste into Google Translate, however you posted a pic so I can’t do that.
Also as far as your intercom phone. The wires are already laid between the phone out at the gate and the phone in the house, so the wires are there. Just buy a new set, which include directions and connect. If you don’t feel comfortable connecting it yourself I can’t image that an electrician will charge much to do it for you.
On pins and needles waiting for the translation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sales people, Religious peddlers, Survey takers
Do not bother us
Do not ring the bell
😀 (not including the smiley face!)
LikeLiked by 2 people
My ex-uncle-in-law had a very fancy burnt-into-wood-in-fancy-script sign on his door that said Welcome, but you coukd flip it up to say Fuck Off in the same fancy script.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Here is what it boils down to. “Wieners in buns, no condiments.” hehe
LikeLiked by 1 person
My sister is Mormon, and I had an aunt who was Jehovah Witness. Sis, ever the opportunist and certainly no deep thinker, pays the church $50/month and they take care of her logistical needs (i.e. transportation, etc.). She has absolutely no idea what Mormonism is about, and referred me to church leaders when I asked her about the bizarre and tumultuous history of its founder – Joseph Smith.
Aunt Jenny was the prototypical, door-knocking JW pusher. She was always super-sweet with a brilliant smile on her face. No rejection or insult was too much for her. She went about her “duties” in the most elegant of styles. For that, our family greatly respected her… at an extreme distance.
Here in the U.S. pacific northwest, it’s evangelicals who are most annoying and intrusive. They stopped knocking on my door after I answered once with a most disheveled appearance, spun my head around 360 degrees, and regurgitated green vile into their faces!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Mormon? From your surname I would have guessed crazy catholic before I guessed mormon!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We were indeed raised Catholic. Mom, who was born and raised in Italy, would’ve joined the Crusades if a new one was started! Sis, though a believer in God, is more opportunist than religious. To her, every relationship must be personally advantageous. Catholics may be crazy, but they aren’t stupid. They saw through her schemes are put their foot down. Sis tried various other religions before finally becoming Mormon. I don’t blame her though, she was raised to be that way and had an unfortunate childhood.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds familiar. My mother was a product of Franquist Spain which combined Catholicism and opportunism almost professionally.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mr. M, I’m on my iPad and don’t know how to put a link on (old and stupid, you know) but you might want to google Orgasmo/Old Lady scene/JW . . . It’s hilarious and I always think of it when anyone mentions JW’s. .. you might have seen it before, as I’ve posted it (I can do it on my laptop!)
Your sign will be effective, though, I’m sure! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Found it with Mormons, not JWs. HiLARious!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, yes, Marilee – I had forgotten. .. still hilarious though, eh? 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
6 of one, half dozen of the other😬
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have not seen that and will look it up right now 🙂
LikeLike
This should be it:
LikeLiked by 6 people
My grandfather used to let the Jehovah’s Witnesses in and he’d make a Manhattan and light up a cigar and let them talk. The hearing aid salesman told him, “Mr. ________, I don’t think you trust me.” He replied, “As a matter of fact I don’t.”
LikeLiked by 3 people
I too need a camera and intercom…it is a long way to the gate to see why the dogs are going beserk. Our local JWs are a very pleasant lot so their visit does not bother me…I would just like to be able to say that I cannot come to the gate when I am busy with something on the stove. I have seen Mormons in the area, but so far none of them have braved the road down from the town. When they do I shall loose the ram.
I like your sign….grandmother had one on her gate ‘No hawkers, no travelers’. Yours is more comprehensive.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Too comprehensive? 🙂
LikeLike
I suppose you could add ‘Ne pas respirer’…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I personally think that religion is a necessary part of society. It seems all societies and civilizations have developed some form of religion, so, I think, there are some laws of social evolution that cause people uniting around those ideas. There are many good and useful aspects of religion: meditative practices, charity, community building, etc. Many of the rituals and practices have undeniable and powerful subconscious psychological effects that must be studied and used rather than rejected. People today know more about how nuclear power or semiconductors work than about their own mind and how it reacts to brainwashing or propaganda. These things must be studied scientifically and taught at schools along with science and math. It seems to have nothing to do with intellect or education because many educated people who consider themselves “free thinkers” are susceptible to the same mental traps of propaganda as those folks who are “not the sharpest tool in the shed”.
But religion has a few quirks and side-effects, of course. Proselytism seems to be one of the most annoying (at best) and harmful (at worst).
LikeLiked by 2 people
Getting rid of the side-effects would go a long way to improving the concept in general. Get rid of proselyting, magical thinking and politicization and keep kindess/charity etc. and we’ve got a whole new world.
LikeLiked by 3 people
“Religion has a few side effects”. Yes, one could say that. I’m currently in Australia and George Pell is all over the news – one of (he and his ilk) the nastier ‘side effects’. 😦
LikeLiked by 2 people
Roman Catholics are screwed by their celibacy requirement for priests. If they read the Bible carefully, there is no such requirement anywhere. The only place I know of is in Matthew 19 where Jesus speaks about the “eunuchs for the kingdom of God” in an unrelated context. Churches that do not require priests to be celibate don’t seem to suffer from these scandals.
Suppressing libido is like trying to make a river flow uphill. The first thing god said to humans in Genesis 1 was “be fruitful and multiply”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not sure. There seem to be a whole range of sexual scandals within different religious communities. I’m not saying it’s causal, but imbalances of power, like in the polygamous mormon branches, create all sorts of problems.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Maybe. It just seems that Catholics are much more in the news than others, and I think it has to do with the celibacy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
They are making disciples from all corners of the earth. And somehow they know you have not been saved from your sinful ways.
I like that sign.
My only addition would be: Missionaries will be shot on sight
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tell me, will you vote —- at the next election?
One said, people aren’t answering their doors because the Witnesses are about. But the Witnesses could say the same about us!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Goodness no. Do I look like someone who’d stand in a queue outside a school to vote?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Voting is like buying stolen goods, it just encourages more crime.
LikeLike
LMAO – I want to be that old lady in the video clip!!!!
As for door-knockers, not sure if they’re rare around here because the houses are set far apart so lots of walking, but the few I’ve had get short shrift. As soon as I understand what they want, it’s “No, thank you.” and close door in their face. It’s even better if you can close the door before they start talking but, can’t have everything.
LikeLiked by 2 people
They don’t come to the Cloud anymore, I have a sign too, I suspect Rosie’s face with all the teeth going on barking away at the window works better than the sign mind you. Back when they did come around I used to say “I’m a Catholic – you can’t tell me anything because I make it up as I go along”. They’d pause long enough for the door to slam in their faces.
– Esme nodding upon the Cloud
LikeLiked by 1 person
We used to get a group of English speaking JW’s coming up from Narbonne, and they would check all the names on the letterboxes. Always very polite and smiling, and I was always as polite and smiling and unrelenting in my refusal to engage. The last time I heard one of them say to the other “there are two men’s names on the letterbox” – no knock followed, and I’ve not seen anyone since. Perhaps they think that I’m beyond saving?? 🙂
LikeLike
Just to throw this out there, but in most areas Mormons aren’t sent door-to-door any more. They now have to work primarily from member referrals. If you get any Mormons, interrogate your friends and find out who sent them.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Do Mormons take referrals from Catholics? Better yet, do they take anonymous referrals? That would be a great way to mess with somebody
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’d have to check the website. 🙂
LikeLike
Really? In Spain they came every year. I had the impression once they somehow made it through the gates they just went from house to house… Maybe there was a Mormon resident who let them in and gave them a list of targets?
LikeLiked by 1 person
It may just be in the United States then. I know in Brazil Mormon missionaries had been knocking the same doors for forty years, and that was almost twenty years ago. Things were really slowing down.
LikeLike
Hello friend. I understand your stance, you hate to be bothered by talks of God. However, you need to ask yourself, why do I hate talks of God so much? These JW’s do not want to harm you, they only want to speak to you, therefore why would you feel like beating her with her bible? You might say, you hate talks of God because you do not believe in God. However you need to ask yourself, why do I not believe in God?
COMMON REASONS PEOPLE GIVE:
1) If God exists then why does evil happen:
Nowhere in the bible did God promise that only good things will happen on earth. On the contrary the bible tells us that Satan was cast down from the heavens, and he came upon the earth. He has come to steal, to kill and to destroy. A lot of unfortunate events are caused by Satan and not God. However, our God can save us. You may ask, then why does he not save us? God has power over Satan and can save us, however he is a righteous God who cannot look upon sin. He sent Adam and Eve away from his presence because of their sin, because he cannot look upon sin. However, even with sin, he has never ceased to love us. He still blessed Adam and Eve, and he has sent many prophets i.e. Elijah, Noah and even his son Jesus to preach to us and show us the way away from sin. Satan entices us into sin because he knows that when we sin we would be distant from God and that would allow him to cause mischief in our lives. You may ask, but bad things happen too in the lives of even good bible-believing Christians: yes it does. This is because although some are holier than others, no one is perfectly clean from sin. The trials and tribulations that true Christians go through is sometimes used as a test from the devil to see whether we are true believers or whether we would crack under pressure and have only a superficial faith. You may ask, then why does God not simply destroy the devil: the answer is because God has set out an appointed time to destroy the devil, he has promised that he will. The devil seeks to cause as much destruction as possible because he only has a short time left before he is destroyed.
2) There is no evidence of God:
I like to compare God to heat and cold. We cannot see heat or cold but we can feel it. Although we can see physical manifestations of heat and cold such as snow and melting, we cannot see cold directly or see heat, we can only feel it. If you open your heart, you will see physical manifestations of God everywhere. Many people diagnosed with diseases have been mysteriously healed right after prayer. Many things are happening. We cannot see God, but we can feel him and we have an experience with him. We believe by faith and not by sight. Evidence is all about what we can see and is not in line with the way God works.
3) What about science and all science has discovered that might be contrary to the bible: Do not forget that science does not have the full picture. All we are finding now are fragments of the past, how life came to be still remains an utter mystery. The world was created such a long time ago in such that the things that we think are contradictory could be right in line with the word. There are also things that science might have found that are not mentioned in the word of God. You need to know that the main focus of the word of God is not to explain all that God has created or all that has occurred, but to provide us with the most important thing, which is a tool that can guarantee our salvation.
I understand that you may have questions. Do not be a stranger, if you have questions feel free to ask me. Before you discard the idea of God, ask questions about it, get clarification first. God loves us all and wants to save us. I would love for you to consider the idea of God. Good luck and God bless.
LikeLike
Christcenteredruminations – Which god?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Jesus Christ, our abba father in heaven. Yahweh!
LikeLike
You don’t believe in the rest of them?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brother, there is only one God. That is Yahweh. Do not let the devil cause confusion to your understanding.
LikeLike
You think Carmen is a “Brother’s” name?
LikeLike
Brother, there is nothing wrong with your name. A person who bears your name can be a Christian. I googled your name and here is the meaning that I found:
“Carmen is a given name with two different origins. Its first root is Italian, Portuguese, and Spanish, used as a nickname for Carmel and Carmelo (respectively), from Hebrew karmel, “God’s vineyard.” The second origin is from Latin carmen, which means “ode” or “poem”
So there is nothing wrong with your name and It would be wrong to assume that your name excludes you from God’s glory because it does not. The bible instructs that we must love everyone, even those who we do not know well. That is the reason why I am holding you near and dear like a brother.
LikeLike
I’m female and there’s no such thing as a devil. It exists in your imagination because of your indoctrination. There have been thousands of gods, as a matter of fact.
LikeLiked by 1 person
same with his imaginary friend/god…
LikeLiked by 2 people
Alright then, I will call you sister. There is a key gift that you are missing, the gift to see in the spirit. If you could see in the spirit, you will see that the devil does truly exist. You should try to keep an open mind and approach God. If you close your mind, you would not be able to experience him. Yes, there have been many gods, but by what authority have they existed? Jesus Christ the son of the one true God came with the authority of the most high. That is the only true God. The devil has simply used all these situations to cause confusion, he has truly come to steal, to kill and to destroy.
LikeLike
. . .and the evidence you have for all of this is. . .where?
LikeLiked by 1 person
The evidence reigns with those who have believed in Jesus and have received the gift. Have you ever kept an open mind about God? If not, you really should. If you have not given him a try, then how would you know that he does not exist. This situation is similar to a person who is told by others that a particular fruit is not sweet, who goes on to say that the fruit is not sweet without tasting it first. Sister, keep an open mind and give God a chance.
LikeLike
Therein lies the problem, ruminations. One can taste the fruit and make up one’s mind – there’s evidence to support one’s choice. Since there’s absolutely NO evidence of any god(s) I conclude none exist. Of course – for you – it’s a case of, “I believe, therefore it’s true.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
His/her comments are fascinating as an example of what happens to a person whose mind is trapped in religious propaganda. No proposition/premise/conclusion, just fragmented repetition. Goes to show how right Margaret Atwood got it!
LikeLike
Yes, indeed Mr. M. Thinking for oneself is not paramount with this crowd. .. it’s blind allegiance to the master, I’m afraid.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many are called, but only a few are ultimately chosen. I spoke for his grace. Good luck and God bless.
LikeLike
Called? Seriously? Go on, tell us where you’re from? I’d love to know how your god chose you. LOL
LikeLike
The real devil in this world is ignorance – and the worst form of ignorance is the kind embraced and promoted by religion because it is devoid of ethics, compassion and respect for the equality of citizens.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many are called indeed, but only a few are chosen. Do not say that Jesus did not try to reach out to you. Good luck and God bless.
LikeLike
So should we be calling you “Jesus” now?
LikeLiked by 1 person
JeJe for short 😀
LikeLike
Don’t you have some nice short phrases with four letter words for situations like this? 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
My cat’s named Carmen, and she’s a female – and an atheist (except for herself as godess, of course;-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
ain’t no devil
LikeLiked by 1 person
https://www.google.com/search?q=cheez+its+christ&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari
This is hilarious: Cheez its Christ
LikeLiked by 2 people
Genius!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL 😀
LikeLike
Reminds me of when my son was about 5 and we were on a roller coaster on which, when went through some water at the bottom and got sprayed, I yelled Jesus! My darling son said, Mom, why did you say Cheesies (one of his favorite snacks)?
LikeLiked by 1 person