My Mazamet

Life at № 42

Breaking News: ISIS claims responsibility for When Calls the Heart, Season 4

If they claim responsibility for series 1-3, then Canada can breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe Trudeau could ask his offshore money manager to speak to their offshore money manager to broker a deal.

The things I’ve learnt so far about Canada 100 years ago:

-Women piled on make-up as if they were modern drag queens or Thai Lady Boys. And their hairstyles were almost identical to those we see on the streets today:

-Canadian mining towns were entirely paved in thick gravel, except the sidewalks which were wood decking.

-It was perfectly acceptable for (allegedly respectable) men and women to live together while unmarried.

-Lady-mayors were all the rage, and women had equal rights.

-Problems never took more than 24 hours to resolve – except sexual harassment, which took 48 hours.

But now let’s take a moment to talk about their choice of male lead: Jack. Jack the Mountie.

I’m not sure if they chose him for his eel-face with the wrap around eyes (very convenient in horse-racing, as one can look forwards and sideways at about the same time), or for his smile made famous during his “journey” to becoming Tajikistan Idol. You didn’t know he was Tajik? Well, that eye to nose to face width ratio only happens when a Romanian fortune teller marries a Tajik goat herder on the full moon. In Tajikistan Idol instead of a recording contract you win a barrel of pickled goat’s testicles. Abdullo (his real name) traded his barrel for a ticket to Canada in hopes of meeting his long lost grandmother, Celine, who escaped Tajikistan in her teens – but bears strikingly similar facial feature ratios to her grandson:

Image result for celine ugly

Abdullo convinced his unwitting grandmother to pitch When Calls the Heart to the Hallmark Channel where sleeper number 2 (Bill “Firuz” Abbott) was waiting to bite. And that’s why we are where we are today. The terrorists have won, but we live to fight another day.

And btw, Congratulations to Australians on the vote for marriage equality!

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25 comments on “Breaking News: ISIS claims responsibility for When Calls the Heart, Season 4

  1. john zande
    November 15, 2017

    You’re going to attract the ire of Tildeb, you know.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Pink Agendist
      November 15, 2017

      Is he a a fan of Trudeau, When Calls the Heart, Tajikistan or Isis? 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    • tildeb
      November 15, 2017

      MM’s description is hilarious! And the show isn’t quite up to reflecting its historical setting; gravel is so much easier to cross than logs lined up in mud. And I think people should covet their barrel of pickled goat testicles and keep it on their mantle. Imagine the conversations they would inspire!

      Liked by 2 people

      • The Pink Agendist
        November 15, 2017

        Does the state subsidise this gravel? Is it Socialist Canadian Gravel!? 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • tildeb
        November 15, 2017

        Oh, I’m positive there’s a subsidy in there somewhere, some taxpayer ‘benefit’ to filming it in BC with local gravel. Mud is just too yucky for the Hallmark Channel. And then there’s the whole ‘Canadian content’ rule for the Big Bucks. Gravel is probably key.

        And we do have most excellent gravel, donchaknow, from eskers: already stratified for us! And that’s why many of the roads and highways are where they are: close to an esker, which is so much cheaper than having to haul it to some site handy for people to get to and fro.

        Liked by 2 people

      • The Pink Agendist
        November 15, 2017

        Ummmm, I don’t think we’re supposed to say Eskers any more, we’re supposed to say Inuits!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. foolsmusings
    November 15, 2017

    I haven’t seen the show, but that’s Canada in a nutshell :p

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Pink Agendist
      November 15, 2017

      They’re making season 5, so you have a lot to catch up on! I’m guessing next they’re going to retrospectively apply racial equality and gay rights to 1915 Canada 😀

      Like

      • Chad's Crooked House
        November 15, 2017

        Probably not gay rights. Hallmark Channel original movies I think are usually full of maudlin virtue signaling for “traditional values.” People re-discovering their humanity when they leave the big city for a small town, that kind of stuff.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. coteetcampagne
    November 15, 2017

    Lordy I needed a laugh today and you have surely given me one. I have to find this programme and watch it. YOU, however, have clearly got too much time on YOUR hands

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Steve Ruis
    November 15, 2017

    Apparently one has way too much spare time on one’s hands, now doesn’t one.

    Surely there is something positive you could be doing. How are your workouts coming? I am sure there are streets in your community that need cleaning (at least dusting), in lieu of sitting in front of a screen for hours binging on Canadian culture. (I did not know there was such a thing, so I did learn something.)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sirius Bizinus
    November 15, 2017

    Wait, why are you still watching the Hallmark Channel? Please don’t tell me they got you too! Nothing good ever happens from watching the Hallmark Channel!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Arkenaten
    November 15, 2017

    This sailed right over my head. But I shall laugh nonetheless else people will think me odd. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Esme upon the Cloud
    November 15, 2017

    I’m with Ark as I haven’t seen the program but by the Gods and medium sized dogs I laughed.

    “I’m not sure if they chose him for his eel-face with the wrap around eyes (very convenient in horse-racing, as one can look forwards and sideways at about the same time)” – Hahahahahahahaha

    – Esme falling about upon the Cloud

    Liked by 1 person

  8. acflory
    November 15, 2017

    -giggles- Australia thanks you but…what on earth are you doing watching Canadian tv????

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Pink Agendist
      November 15, 2017

      Blame Netflix! And while we’re at it, I also watched an Australian series called Wanted, which ranks just behind WCTH!!!

      Like

      • acflory
        November 18, 2017

        Damn, we have some excellent tv dramas but Wanted just isn’t one of them. 😦 Try Janet King or The Code or Cleverman. Those are my three favourites at the moment.

        Like

  9. theoccasionalman
    November 15, 2017

    I can’t believe you’re still watching this. It seems to have the quality of a terrible train wreck, or a house fire: you just can’t look away.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Helen Devries
    November 15, 2017

    Are you sure it is not Russian hackers claiming to be ISIS?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. karenjane
    November 16, 2017

    As we don’t have Netflix, I have no idea what you are talking about. Thank goodness! Your descriptions make me laugh though . “Eel face”…poor man. As for Canadian women etc, I again plead ignorance. Have you read a book by Patrick Gale called “A Place Called Winter”? Set in Canada, it’s one of the rare books which reduced me to tears (& I don’t cry very often ).

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Pink Agendist
      November 16, 2017

      I’ve never heard of that book, but I’m going to get it right now. I love literature that really touches people.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. shiarrael
    December 25, 2017

    WHY Canada, WHY?!

    This was so bad my mind went into pure self-defense mode, conjuring a Diefenbaker to derisively snort at the Mountie before hopping off to find some fast food, while a crazed hockey player came racing across the pond to make his own marriage proposal with a bouquet of pucks. Ack.

    Liked by 1 person

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This entry was posted on November 15, 2017 by in thinking aloud and tagged , , , , .
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