Just Merveilleux?

Life at № 42

Stupid and sometimes not

scarlett

Or is it the other way around?

I’ve been jumping rope for two weeks now to lose weight. It’s ridiculous- but somehow less ridiculous than jogging or doing any other sort of public exercise. My waist is at 32″ which is a good three inches more than it’s supposed to be. Stupid.

George Michael died so I feel my mortality. Many people die every day in Syria and Guatemala- but they don’t really make me consider mortality because they’re (mostly) so brown-ish. If I continue drinking as I do and perhaps take up a drug, I might match him and die at 53. That means yet another 15 years. Ugh.

I don’t care about my own mortality in any profound way, just Mike’s and the dogs’. If Mike died I’d never forgive him. My entire (cap)ability for niceness has been focused on him (since I was 22), so there’s none of it left for anyone else. Plus I’d have the worst online dating profile of all time: I hate long walks on the beach or anywhere else, and I reserve the right to shush you at any given moment. Don’t go near the Sevres porcelain because it makes me nervous. You’re also not allowed to use my tea cup or juice glass. 

I leave you with Segismundo’s monologue from Life is a Dream

“We live, while we see the sun,
Where life and dreams are as one;
And living has taught me this,
Man dreams the life that is his,
Until his living is done.
The king dreams he is king, and he lives
In the deceit of a king,
Commanding and governing;
And all the praise he receives
Is written in wind, and leaves
A little dust on the way
When death ends all with a breath.
Where then is the gain of a throne,
That shall perish and not be known
In the other dream that is death?
Dreams the rich man of riches and fears,
The fears that his riches breed;
The poor man dreams of his need,
And all his sorrows and tears;
Dreams he that prospers with years,
Dreams he that feigns and foregoes,
Dreams he that rails on his foes;
And in all the world, I see,
Man dreams whatever he be,
And his own dream no man knows.
And I too dream and behold,
I dream I am bound with chains,
And I dreamed that these present pains
Were fortunate ways of old.
What is life? a tale that is told;
What is life? a frenzy extreme,
A shadow of things that seem;
And the greatest good is but small,
That all life is a dream to all,
And that dreams themselves are a dream.”

Good night.

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58 comments on “Stupid and sometimes not

  1. Scottie
    December 28, 2016

    You could get good enough at jumping rope to enter those competitions they have at local fairs and things. 🙂 Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Scottie
    December 28, 2016

    Oh that is another type of performance ….normally done in a different area of the parks. 😉 Hugs

    Liked by 3 people

  3. acflory
    December 28, 2016

    A word about ageing and vanity – don’t lose too much weight! Or should I say, don’t worry about your weight too much.

    Why? Because the options seem to be: a sylph-like figure and a crepe-y face, or a reasonably wrinkle-free face teamed with a thicker waistline.

    This is reality for a woman, and I assume it’s the same for a man. Age means you can’t have it both. I admit it sucks, but it’s also kind of liberating…so long as you stay at a /healthy/ weight. 🙂

    Liked by 5 people

  4. metan
    December 28, 2016

    Laughing at the thought of your online dating profile. 😀

    “Intolerant thirty-something looking for life partner. Must love dogs and antiques, be thick skinned and know their place.”

    Liked by 5 people

    • And don’t touch anything, including me, or speak unless spoken to first.

      Liked by 5 people

      • metan
        December 28, 2016

        And never question your judgement. Ever. Or else.

        Liked by 2 people

      • The or else being becoming one of the homeless people to whom I pretend I don’t speak their language.
        Me? I’m from another country! I have no idea what you could possibly be doing sitting in the cold with a tin in front of you. Hasta luego 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • metan
        December 28, 2016

        And, of course, be in good physical condition. He needs to be able to move heavy furniture about without complaint (apart from the obvious reason why this is desirable) 😀

        Like

  5. kjennings952
    December 28, 2016

    I would pay money–real American money–to see a video of you jumping rope. Can we have an auction? You could use the proceeds for some lipo, botox and finishing school. Btw, GWTW is my favorite movie! If I win, you will be jumping rope in a tiara saying “Fiddle dee dee, after all, tomorrow is another day!”

    Liked by 4 people

    • Just a note: I don’t think I need finishing school. I’m reasonably competent in that area 😛

      Liked by 2 people

    • clubschadenfreude
      December 28, 2016

      or it could be the drape dress, but I don’t think you can jump rope in something with those damned tight dropped sleeves. I have a lovely version (not carol burnet style) in red and black velvet. that capelet over the arm is to die for!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. appletonavenue
    December 28, 2016

    Aging is a bitch, but it beats the alternative. Or so I tell myself. I once had a girlish figure, now I look like a rectangle. Hah! At least I know how to dress to accentuate the positives. As for men, they age gracefully, turning grey at the temples, with laugh lines, and crows feet. Society says older men are still vital, virile, and sexy. Remember that, you lovely man.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. Diana MacPherson
    December 28, 2016

    Hahahaha I love that online dating profile. Mine would be: I interrupt but only because you’re wasting my time because I already know what you’re going to say or you’re wrong and are about to waste more time. I expect you not to make a face about this. Also don’t talk to me in the morning.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. acflory
    December 28, 2016

    lmao – Pinky! I dare you to go to eHarmony and put all that into a dating profile…just to see if anyone takes you up on it!

    -cough- might be an idea to give a false identity though…. :p

    Liked by 3 people

  9. john zande
    December 28, 2016

    Take up my chosen sport: competitive relaxation.

    Liked by 5 people

  10. Hariod Brawn
    December 28, 2016

    Ya big (32″ 😮 ) drama queen!

    Liked by 3 people

    • john zande
      December 28, 2016

      Sweet Neptune I loved that film!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Hariod Brawn
        December 28, 2016

        “Monty, you terrible cunt!”

        Liked by 2 people

      • john zande
        December 28, 2016

        “There’s a giant spade in my bath!”

        Liked by 2 people

      • john zande
        December 28, 2016

        “You have soup? Why don’t I have soup?”

        Liked by 2 people

      • Hariod Brawn
        December 28, 2016

        “Of course he’s the fucking farmer!”

        Liked by 2 people

      • john zande
        December 28, 2016

        Hey, praise Veles, there’s an actual wiki page full of quotes! I’ve found heaven 🙂

        https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Withnail_and_I

        Withnail: Have you been at the controls?
        Marwood: What are you talking about?
        Withnail: The thermostats! What have you done to them?
        Marwood: I haven’t touched them.
        Withnail: Then why has my head gone numb?

        Liked by 2 people

      • john zande
        December 28, 2016

        Oh shit, I can’t stop

        Marwood: What about what’s-his-name?
        Withnail: What about him?
        Marwood: Why don’t you give him a call?
        Withnail: What for?
        Marwood: To ask him about his house.
        Withnail: You want me to call what’s-his-name and ask him about his house?
        Marwood: Why not?
        Withnail: All right. What’s his number?
        Marwood: I’ve no idea, I’ve never met him.
        Withnail: Well neither have I. What the fuck are you talking about?

        Liked by 3 people

      • Hariod Brawn
        December 28, 2016

        You need a Camberwell Carrot and to watch it again mate.

        Liked by 2 people

  11. Steve Ruis
    December 28, 2016

    Jumping rope is ridiculous as a weight loss activity but it is not ridiculous as a cardiovascular activity. It has many advantages. You don’t need to go outside (or anywhere, really). You don’t need to dress in a “jogging” or other outfit. You don’t need special equipment, except a jump rope which can be an ordinary piece of rope. You are brilliant.

    Do realize that you are probably undergoing a metabolic change, several of which occur from your early twenties to later thirties/forties. It will be harder to lose weight and easier to gain it, so the game is to avoid putting it on in the first place.

    Or, you can do as I have done and say “Fuck it, I am going to die with a smile on my face.” Studies show that one can shorten one’s lifespan by as much as 2-3 years due to incautious eating/less exercise. What they don’t point out is those 2-3 years are your last two or three years, spent, one supposes as a tottering old fool. Eff that, not a good trade off if it involved extreme dieting, exercise, etc.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. makagutu
    December 28, 2016

    Jogging is harsh on the body. There should be easier ways to cut weight. I can’t do enough jumps to even lose a gram. I

    Liked by 2 people

  13. inspiredbythedivine1
    December 28, 2016

    I tried jumping rope once to lose weight, but it didn’t work. Apparently, you’re supposed to twirl it over your head and jump over it, not set it on the ground and repeatedly walk back and forth over it. Go figure.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. Arkenaten
    December 29, 2016

    Jumping rope will inevitably bugger your knees, and in short order, too.
    Quit while you are ahead. And I mean it.

    If vanity is involved, and you can’t stand the Wolf Whistles from neighbours when you go jogging in bright purple running tights and sequined headband or some other get-up reminiscent of the Le Village People, get a static bi-cycle. Or a proper gay-cycle if you prefer.

    After a decent warm up and a few stretches, do shorter , but faster sets (say three to start). Do around three sessions per week to start.
    You could also try yoga – excellent for strengthening core muscles. Tons of good vids on Youtube.

    Or … get a personal trainer to come to the house.

    But whatever you do, at all times, have fun!

    😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ve only had tea and a salad today, so I’m hoping a week of that does the trick 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Arkenaten
        December 29, 2016

        It will, of course, but the body will rebel and go into mini-hibernation while you try to starve it and then it will bite back in a week or so and reduce you to a blubbering wreck when you next climb on the scales!

        Static cycles are good because you can read or watch TV while you exercise.

        It’s all the time spent sitting at the computer. We all suffer from it to a greater or lessor degree.
        Got to exercise those limbs , Pink. Can’t cheat Mother Nature for too long. She has a long memory, and at times she can be a real bitch!

        Liked by 2 people

      • There’s always amphetamines or cocaine 😀 I can relive my early 20’s!!!

        Liked by 2 people

      • Arkenaten
        December 29, 2016

        I cannot vouch for either of those alternatives.
        I smoked dope once and fell off a toilet and cracked my head.
        Tobacco generally suppresses the appetite, but if you aren’t exercising the cigs will only help out a bit. And then you’ll get smoker’s cough earlier as well.

        Or as Steve said. What the hell…!

        Liked by 1 person

      • inspiredbythedivine1
        December 29, 2016

        Damn, that’s impressive. I’m on my second pizza already.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. David
    December 31, 2016

    La Vida Es Sueño is one of my very favorite plays, and that monologue one of my favorite passages from it.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Esme upon the Cloud
    January 4, 2017

    Mac and Ark are right, you’ll bugger up your knees jumping rope and then will be spending all your time looking for the most complimentary walking stick in the world. Cycling or swimming, static bikes, yes, but I don’t see you being happy doing any of that. I don’t see you bein happy sweating to be honest hahahaha.

    There’s always a corset.

    No – hang on . . . I have it! It’s perfect for you! You can do it indoors or in your garden, you need no special clothes, it’s so elegant, and the woman showing the way is clearly not overweight . . . you must give it a try. *nods*

    – esme seeing it all too clearly upon the Cloud and grinning

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hariod Brawn
      January 4, 2017

      Good suggestion, Esme; and Pink, I bet you’ll be thrilled when you discover you’ve a horse inside you! 🙂

      Like

      • I used to love horses, but haven’t been near one since my car accident/hip replacement.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hariod Brawn
        January 4, 2017

        When you say you “used to love horses” . . . ah, well, ne’r mind. Anyway, what car accident, what hip replacement?

        Like

      • I used to love showjumping as a child/teen 🙂 but at 21 I had an accident. Hip, femur rods and knee were operated on- and I was walking again in less than six months. Anyway, I decided horses, skiing and any other activities that often end with broken bits should probably be retired.

        Like

      • Diana MacPherson
        January 5, 2017

        That sounds awful but I couldn’t help think how deliciously ironic it would be if you tangled yourself up in your skipping rope & sustained injury. 😛

        Liked by 1 person

      • Is that the Alanis Morissette sort of ironic? 😛

        Like

      • Diana MacPherson
        January 6, 2017

        No it’s for realz ironic because the activity that is safe and healthy would turn out to be pernicious and fatal.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hariod Brawn
        January 4, 2017

        Good grief, sounds bloody horrendous. Sorry to hear you had that experience Pink, and apologies for the horse joke – I deserve to get the Harvey Smith sign. 😉

        Like

      • Don’t be silly! It’s nothing. Happened ages ago, and the morphine was lovely 😀 When I was little and there was ever a fight at the table my (French) grandmother would bang her hand on the table and scream “We are happy people. HAPPY!”- It was hilariously absurd. But also a good lesson in how to deal with anything unpleasant. Make it ridiculous then laugh it off.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Diana MacPherson
        January 5, 2017

        OMG – I’m going to try to employ your grandmother’s technique in managing project teams!

        Liked by 1 person

      • It works!

        Like

      • Hariod Brawn
        January 4, 2017

        That’s my policy too, kind of a self-referencing black humour. I’ve laughed whilst at someone’s death bed before – but only after the doc confirmed they’d gone.

        Liked by 1 person

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